I had so much fun sharing this reality last week!
Going back to my part-time job after having Baby E was daunting, to say the least. I wasn’t sure what to expect or how it would work. I wasn’t sure if I would love it or hate it. I wasn’t sure if it made sense financially. I just had no idea! It’s one of those things that you don’t know (about your kids, your time, or yourself) until you step out and do it.
But like most tough decisions in my life, this one was no less amazing and eye-opening! There is oh so much to learn about yourself if you just take the time to step into the unknown and try it. Change is where we grow. Taking risks is where we become… more colorful. More aware. It’s where we LIVE!
When we keep doing the same thing over and over, that’s when life grows stagnant and unfulfilling. Don’t get me wrong… having a baby was a HUGE change! I lost myself for a while there in those first few months of finding a new normal. But going back to work helped me find myself again…
Even if it was just for a few hours a week!
While my life with two has not made it onto these pages as much as I had hoped they would, I have been privileged to share a few fleeting thoughts now and then on the Knoxville Mom’s Blog! This post was from New Year’s Day.
I’ll be honest, Christmas was a bomb this year. As was New Year’s and Valentine’s Day. It’s as if my brain is only wired enough to get through daily life. The special moments and Pinterest-worthy life has escaped me for this season and I constantly have to keep reminding myself that it doesn’t matter.
My little girl doesn’t remember that Baby Brother screamed all through Christmas Eve and we almost didn’t get to watch her open her presents. She doesn’t even care that I failed to do a New Year’s countdown with her (or that Daddy and I were both in bed well before midnight). And even though I completely forgot to hang up decorations, set the table, and make cherry turnovers for Valentine’s Day… my favorite tradition. Instead I just ran upstairs while she was playing a game and grabbed a Hello Kitty gift bag to throw her My Little Pony in with a box of heart-shaped chocolates. It doesn’t matter. There will be time for all of that another day. In another season.
But for now, I’m trying to breathe and remember that this is all that really matters.
It’s been a wild ride these last few months. Wild and wonderful. But have I ever mentioned just how much I miss writing? How I hate when an idea comes into my head and because of life I just can’t ever get it down ‘on paper’ and then it’s gone? It happens all the time.
If I could write everything that I wanted. If I had the time and the peace. There would be a thousand posts a week. And my life would be divulged to the world because there is just so. much. to share.
But I don’t. And I can’t. And there are babies and dishes and laundry and work and basic needs that must be met first. And by the end of the day, writing gets lost. Sadly.
But maybe someday. Maybe someday I’ll be able to do it again. Bare my soul. Fill these pages. Because to write is to breathe. And sometimes I feel as though I’m suffocating.
Thanks to the Knoxville Mom’s Blog I have a deadline once or twice a month and I get my wiggles out. (and of course forget to share them here) So in the name of writing and breathing and living, here is our welcome baby post from Christmas. Back when the fog of newness was finally beginning to clear!