I gazed at ocean horizons. I drank in sunrises from airplane windows. I stood on mountain peaks and gasped at the rippling tops of clouds. The world was a grand, glorious adventure.
Then I had the Pickle.
I remember her first week of life being a blur. The diapers, the visitors, the nursing, the long dark nights, the late mornings. It wasn’t until almost a week after her birth that I suddenly really saw her… and I completely broke down. I wept for the passing of time that I had already let disappear in a fog of pain, recovery, exhaustion and a steep, steep learning curve. But that night as tears ran silently down my face, I held those tiny hands. I examined her perfect little white-dotted nose. I ran my fingertip over the fuzz on the top of her ear. I kissed the long scratch she had got on her head during labor, already scabbing over and preparing to disappear… just like her first week of life had disappeared right before my eyes.
So now I have the Pickle. I have more laundry, groceries, playdates and cartoons. I have needs to be met and toys to be cleaned up. Dinner to be cooked and bedtime stories to be read. And somewhere in the midst of it all I usually forget to open my eyes. I forget to see.
Before I had a child, I really “saw the world”.
But now, I really see the world.
Now I see rocks under my feet like scattered jewels.
Now I see airplanes, so many airplanes.
Now I see bugs on the windshield. Cats across the road. Red in the leaves and yellow on the caterpillar.
Now I see water. And clouds.
Ladybugs and pumpkins.
Now I see wonder.
Now I see fear.
Now I see innocence.
Now I see laughter that comes out her eyes.
Before I had a child, I really “saw the world”. But she has taught me to see in a whole new way.
I see in moments that I want to last for an eternity.
I see in colors like the unveiling of Oz.
I see joy in the mundane. Accomplishment in the smallest of tasks. And excitement in the tiniest adventure- like throwing an acorn on the ground to watch it roll down the hill.
And we giggle, OH how we giggle at the sight of that.
My Bible study group is reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. And the more I read her book, the more I realize that what she says in a few thousand beautiful words, my daughter has been saying to me every day since she was born.
Look, Mommy! Open your eyes and LOOK! Look at what an adventure and a beauty and a blessing life is. Not just your big dramatic adventures, but every. little. thing.
Because to my child, it is all still so new and wonderful and awe-inspiring and beautiful. And it’s right now. Right in front of me. For only a moment.
Open your eyes, Mommy.